The Tahoe 200 - My Thoughts on Race Day

Six weeks after traversing through the high alpine forest of Tahoe, I finally gathered enough strength to write my experience in running the first ever loop mountain run in North America. Details of my run would have to be publish later on but for now, here is the summary of my thoughts on race day.

Outside of the running community, I am still by far, by heart and by choice - a climber. Hence I prefer to narrate my accounts as an ordinary woman with normal aspirations and dreams. I have told many of my friends that it was few years ago that I become fascinated with the mountains. I sought freedom one can only be met by being in the wilderness.

A night before the run, I was ecstatic and anxious to be at the start line. I gathered my gear and food that would go with me to the race start. I packed and repacked few times, I tried on clothes and change my mind few times. I wanted to look "cool" on race day but I couldn't decide which running outfit that would boost my confidence. Then I looked at the clock of the hotel room I was in - I was running out of time, it is getting late and that I had to get up early. I quickly abandoned what I was doing. I thought I could probably make decisions if my head got some rest.


Wake-up Call

Alarm clocks were useful in waking me up but I remembered the day I first attempted TRT 50 miles, the alarm clock failed me. Or was I too tired that early morning, that I probably hit the snooze button. I dont remember what happened that day but I knew the alarm clock failed me that I arrived at race start two and half hours (2.5 hrs) late. Needless to say, no one failed me but me.

So on this very important part of my running career, I had two alarm set to wake me up and I can only hope that these two gadgets better wake me. I placed one alarm near the wash room and one alarm near the kitchen.

Dreams in Flashback

As I tried to sleep, I had flashbacks of events happened as far as I was still a child. On my first grade of going to school, I made friend with a girl from a wealthy family. Our birthdays were only a day apart so for that two years we went on to the same school, our birthdays were celebrated together on same day. I often wondered where she could be now.

I had great memories of my close and dear friend Emily. She always looked gorgeous. She was kidnapped and no one knew where she is. To this day, I am hoping she is still alive.

In my early 20s, I left Australia and then backpacked. I had so many fond memories of good and bad travel. Its funny how I think of it now that I am older. If I could turn back time, I would have probably executed my travel in a more fun way and should have taken more pictures.

My flashbacks jumped from current events and then to really old, reminded me how I look so close resemblance of my father. I was protected growing up. As much as possible, I was not allowed to mingle with boys. And I love boys, not in the attraction per se but the way boys live and having fun. I was not nurtured in the the classic "girl" like the "barbie" upbringing. I was nurtured to fight and to survive.

During this few hours of dreams, my sleep took me to some memories I had with the High Sierra. Countless mountain run, miles of wilderness, the vistas of the High Sierra, the tranquility of my mind and soul, the placid lake and the wildlife, I longed to belong.

I met Bill Clements on my first Mt. Whitney hike. I had extra permit that day. Mentioning Bill's name my blood boils and I can't help it. It woke me up before the alarm went off.

So there again, I had to decide what running clothes to wear so I would look "cool"... then somehow, my hands freely grabbed the shirt and shorts that would make me feel comfortable for the first 60 miles of the Tahoe 200 course. Somehow, I gathered everything in one pack without repacking again...... I said to myself, Bill Clements - you better Not be in my race.

At Race Start

I drove to the race start. There were name calling of the runners attendance. My bib was announced. Somehow I had a bad feeling to attempt this biggest endeavour of my running job. This is supposed to be just my hobby, second to my mountain climbing pursuit. I saw fellow lady ultra runner Jen Dicus. She is incredibly inspiring because she is just moving non-stop even without running.

With that said, my excitement was revived......... Then it was time to start the long traverse of completing the official 202 mile loop around the mountains of Lake Tahoe.

Many thoughts came to my head as we hiked up the alpine resort. My memories had taken me during the first few months I got my interest in crossing off peaks in my bucket list, the Ogul Peaks list. Yes, I was in this mountain few times, snowshoeing. How different and dry it was without the snow, adding to it, the drought that is stricken California.

Going up the ski-slope, it started to affect my lungs. I didn't feel the need to use my inhaler but I brought with me my meds that I could take in case of emergency. I started coughing bad but I was not alarmed. The Rubicon Jeep trail was a punishing hike. It seemed bad as it looks but it is really not all that bad, except that it is too dusty. My lungs worsened here. I wished that someone somewhere I will be whisked away from this punishment.

I kept on going. My mother who died when I was much younger had a lung condition, that it was acceptable for me that she won't live long enough in this world. My real mother suffered from cystic fibrosis. It's probably where I inherited my lung weakness. Minor changed in weather or minor smoke outside, my lungs starts falling apart. My mother's last word before she died, I spoke to her on a long distance call, that she was dying and that she love me and that I should take care of myself.

My throat started itching, a symptom I don't like as it is always guaranteed either I am having asthma attack, a bad cough or some kind of tonsilitis. All I could hope for that my coughing will go away but it did not. By the time I hit the aid station at Loon Lake, I popped few cold tablets and puffed inhaler. I was still thinking right despite being tired and lethargic.

One thing that I noticed, I do not have much tolerance when the weather temp drops. So I moved faster than I should be. I'd like to be in Wrights Lake while there is still daylight. It will be far less risky than I being caught in the drop in temperature without much layer to keep me warm. While descending to Dark Lake parking, it crossed my mind that my mother must have been really a strong woman, for she survived all the trials she endured raising me to become what I am today - not proud of being a wild child at one point but I turned out okay, drug and alcohol free and living a fit and healthy lifestyle.

After I passed Wrights Lake, I couldn't wait to make it to Sierra @ Tahoe, where we would have a warm place and of course cleaning up my feet. I suspected that I might have bad blisters. Of course, mum Linda and dad Rob would be there. They are my supporters. I can't wait to have a pacer as well. I somehow got tired of having different thoughts of my past life that I looked forward to that fresh conversation with another person on the trail.

I was running behind my pace time by the time I crossed Hwy 50. As much as I wanted to move faster, my body's energy level was simply - not there. May be if I ate then I would be jolted and may be if I rest and sleep, my pace would have been better.

Excitedly whisked away by my parents to continue my journey, my head this time couldn't think of any but to get some much needed sleep. I had no energy, let alone think and talk. I pushed my mind to continue........... again my thoughts took me to the time I was caught in a blizzard trying to summit Mt. Williamson (the Big Willie). I was circling in this lake not knowing where I was really but I had to survive the whiteout storm and the cold.

But the sleep deprivation is taking over my body and its telling me to crawl to sleep. I finally told my pacer I had to sleep. It didn't take me much time to close my eyes. I laid down without feeling the thorns of manzanita branches. Once again I dreamed though I can't recall what was my thought that time. I was awaken by runners and pacers who passed me and the chats they had with my pacer. So I got up and told myself to continue my journey.

This time I had to deal with sleep deprivation and hunger. As much as I wanted to eat, I am not able to eat. Without taking the much needed calories to go over the passes, it is affecting my pace. With this I eventually made it to Big Meadows after 9 hours (which an average would only take me 3 hours), with a hacking cough, too hungry and sleep deprived.

My parents let me sleep in Big Meadows, I had food and cleaned feet with fresh socks n'all that entails to run a better pace in the next mountain pass. My pacer here is also a climbing partner. I had less thoughts and less dream. My time was occupied so well, although there were moments that I wanted to crawl to just sleep. I had an awesome time traversing the Armstrong Pass and felt much better than I was.

From the Heavenly to Spooner, I had low expectation. However my head was functioning the way it should. I tried to move faster so that when I reached Spooner, I'll have ample time to sleep. I originally plan not to stop this aid station but that my sleep intake is so important at this critical half way of the course, that getting the needed, at least one and half hour of sleep, would be my goal.

I heard my name was being called as I descended towards the aid station. I thought the volunteers there probably knew me. At the same time, it was already pitch dark. Also I look forward to eating much needed fried rice. I told my dad to get me my fried rice and lots of awesome food that I'd like to eat. Well well well, as I approached the aid station, the sight of an unexpected Monster was actually one of the people calling my name.

During the course marking party, I've expressed  there that Bill Clements would not show up as Bill already caught me by surprise in Canada. My face turned grim and it showed that I was not happy seeing Bill in that aid station. I wanted to expressed my thoughts but I controlled myself.

What was Bill thinking? Was it done on purpose? I would not like him around any of my races, not because Bill is my ex-boyfriend but Bill has done me a lot of wrongs, that all the happy and fond memories I had with Bill was erased and was replaced of all the wrongful and hurtful thoughts.  Bill could have chosen to stay away or even hide away if he was at that aid station already. Instead Bill showed his face in front of me, expected that I greet him, really?

After I ignored Bill's gesture, Bill served me soup without me requesting it. Really Bill - what were you thinking? Why do you come to my races in the guise of helping a friend. Did you really showed up in Canada to help a friend? You traveled to Canada, from France, to help a friend?

If Bill is reading this, Bill was not doing me a favour by showing up in that aid station, rather Bill was trying to ruin my backup plan to execute what's remaining in my journey to finish this race.

Because of Bill's presence, I had now had to leave instead of sleeping for at least 1.5 hours. Because I was too sleep deprived that it affected my pace in reaching Tunnel Creek. That's what all my ex-boyfriend did since the I met him was trying to sabotage my little accomplishment in my running career. Has Bill not have enough yet? Since the time I walked away from Bill, all I did was avoiding every place Bill has known I am around. Since I walked away from Bill's house, I changed my phone number, the trails I do my training runs, I changed every damn routine and I even sought restraining order.

If a person sought restraining order, that should tell something that I don't wish to see that person again. How has Bill not understanding this fact?

Back to completing the 200 miler loop, the absence of sleep by now took a toll. At the next leg, I had to beg my pacer to let me sleep in the woods. I was lucky enough, that chasing cut-off time I was given at least 20 minutes of sleep. My mood this time was not how I supposed to react. I got grumpier and emotional. My thoughts were fuming that I was sleep deprived and blamed Bill for this raucous. If Bill was a responsible man, Bill could have chosen to hide or not be seen by me!

Lucas made me reached Tahoe City with an hour plus of spare time. My parents convinced me to continue and have the company of the Japanese runner, Koichi. I had no pacer at this leg and it worries them that I go out by myself out there, extremely tired and sleep deprived.

While traversing on the way to Rideout, I had full of unhappy thoughts about me and Bill during the time I was with him. This is probably what Bill was aiming for and wishing for, that I dnf the race. I tried to comfort myself and I begged Koichi to let me sleep.

Koichi took care and guarded this 15 minute of sleep. While I was out, I had again dreams and flashback. I recalled it was the Rio Del Lago race, I crossed the finish line and beating the odds expectation. I was awaken up with this last thought that I immediately told Koichi that we go and move faster. I keep tracking my watch, although I had moments there that I switch from wanting to sleep to from wanting to get to Rideout as fast as I can.

Thankfully all the bad thoughts went away. When I saw my parents at Rideout, all I could think about was getting to the Finish Line...that it would be sweet to get a piece of that hardware and once and for all, it would be the end of my suffering.

Although I cried when I crossed Ellis Peak, my overwhelming desire to finish kept me moving and moving. I certainly tried to have happy and inspiring thoughts while I continue the last few miles. I then remember the movie I watched to help me inspired a week before the race, "The Void". This documentary was my last inspiration to make it to the finish line. I had to tell myself over and over again, there ain't no ice or crevasses on this trail, I am not dying and I'll make it.

Eventually, I saw a runner who greeted me. And that the finish line is not that far. Soon, I saw crowds and I crossed the Finish Line.